"SUBOPTIMAL"
THE NOTHING.
Children of THE COMPLEXITY, dire are our times! Since last the MAU MAU horn was sounded, 3,245,567 square, shimmering, vacant feet of condominium have materialized outward from the boundaries of THE NOTHING. 2,543,510 cubic feet of "high-end" retail born not from the warmth of a womb, but from the cold, uncompromising thin air of capital. This glossy vacuum has begun to dot even the most remote outer shores. That an emptiness can demand so much physical space is mysterious to us. Like the unfathomable emptiness of an atom, the vastness of a dead sea. It is not for us to understand, we are mere scattered relics of a messy age of heart and joy. THE NOTHING is not malevolent because malevolence has heart. It is simply NOTHING.......
Children of THE COMPLEXITY, dire are our times! Since last the MAU MAU horn was sounded, 3,245,567 square, shimmering, vacant feet of condominium have materialized outward from the boundaries of THE NOTHING. 2,543,510 cubic feet of "high-end" retail born not from the warmth of a womb, but from the cold, uncompromising thin air of capital. This glossy vacuum has begun to dot even the most remote outer shores. That an emptiness can demand so much physical space is mysterious to us. Like the unfathomable emptiness of an atom, the vastness of a dead sea. It is not for us to understand, we are mere scattered relics of a messy age of heart and joy. THE NOTHING is not malevolent because malevolence has heart. It is simply NOTHING.......
2018 "suboptimal" event. Photos from various sources including Aaron Warkov and Alix Piorun from GOTHAMIST ARTICLE "chaotic weirdness wins 2018 battle for mau mau island"
partisipating gangs:
vesselmania. dog island and the noodle hammocks. the Dead Sea amenities. tik' and destroy-tropic like its hot. black lapel. flat earth. the wet spots. the one percent. space pirates. the newtown greek mutants. tribe of titikaka. maui mermaid canibils. Baggywrinkles. the UNIDENTIFIED floating objects. the sss holy guac-a-mole. polar bearz with guns. hell's mermaidz. to be determined. average americans. unexplained bacon. sailor something's. pizza-pie-rats. monkey business. and a bunch of other rando unregistered shit that i forgot, THAT will be lost forever in the fog of battle.
THE 2018 "BEST IN SHOW" MAU MAU TROPHY GOES TO.... "DOG ISLAND AND THE NOODLE HAMOCKS"
WHY? ZOOM IN ON THAT PHOTO, THAT IS A TWO CANOE CATAMARAN HELD TOGETHER BY ONE 2BY4 AND TWO C-CLAMPS, NOT EVEN FOUR C-CLAMPS, JUST TWO, AND MAYBE A COUPLE ZIPTIES, NOW THAT IS NOT GIVING A SHIT! ALSO, I DONT THINK ANYBODY IN THAT PHOTO IS ACTUALLY ON THAT TEAM, SO THEY BASICALLY JUST ABANDONED THIER BOAT IMMEDIATELY. WELL PLAYED, SOMEBODY UNDERSTOOD THE THEME. THERE MAY BE AN EVEN MORE HEROIC WINNER THAT DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO SHOW UP BUT WE WILL NEVER KNOW. BUT DONT WORRY NEXT YEARS THEME WILL BE WAY MORE ABOUT GIVING A SHIT, I HOPE, MAYBE
IN OTHER AWARDS, BEST GANG THEME COCKTAIL GOES TO "TIK' AND DESTROY" FOR THIER DRINK "KAHLUA MATATA" A SURPRISINGLY DRINKABLE CONCOCTION OF PINEAPPLES AND KAHLUA AND STUFF. ALSO MOST FLAGS STOLEN UNSURPRISINGLY TO THE "SPACE PIRATES". BEST THEME CONCEPT TO "VESSELMANIA" WELL CONCEIVED AND GOOD FOLLOW THROUGH THERE GUYS. NO CLEAR WINNER IN PUGIL FIGHTING BUT THE TWO GUYS THAT WERE ON MOLY OR SOMETHING AND KINDA LOVE TAPPING EACHOTHER WITH THE POLES AND GIGGLING GET SPECIAL MENTION. BEST BOAT WAS MY BOAT, The VACILANDA, OBVIOUSLY WICH ALMOST SANK (THANKS PORTER AND NOAH)
IN OTHER AWARDS, BEST GANG THEME COCKTAIL GOES TO "TIK' AND DESTROY" FOR THIER DRINK "KAHLUA MATATA" A SURPRISINGLY DRINKABLE CONCOCTION OF PINEAPPLES AND KAHLUA AND STUFF. ALSO MOST FLAGS STOLEN UNSURPRISINGLY TO THE "SPACE PIRATES". BEST THEME CONCEPT TO "VESSELMANIA" WELL CONCEIVED AND GOOD FOLLOW THROUGH THERE GUYS. NO CLEAR WINNER IN PUGIL FIGHTING BUT THE TWO GUYS THAT WERE ON MOLY OR SOMETHING AND KINDA LOVE TAPPING EACHOTHER WITH THE POLES AND GIGGLING GET SPECIAL MENTION. BEST BOAT WAS MY BOAT, The VACILANDA, OBVIOUSLY WICH ALMOST SANK (THANKS PORTER AND NOAH)
FIGHT IT!
Go ahead, fight it. Rage against THE NOTHING with all your passion and tears and hope. Come with violence, come with logic, come with offerings of truce, come with all out war. The jujitsu of THE NOTHING throws your energy back at you, absorbs it into itself, until you find yourself as well toiling in its service..
Go ahead, fight it. Rage against THE NOTHING with all your passion and tears and hope. Come with violence, come with logic, come with offerings of truce, come with all out war. The jujitsu of THE NOTHING throws your energy back at you, absorbs it into itself, until you find yourself as well toiling in its service..
A GURU
has pursued the fatal flaw of THE NOTHING, through countless reincarnations. He has studied its power and now offers a solution. In his first incarnation he struggled, tempted by the benefits of THE NOTHING. Later he found comfort in the void of indifference and In the autumn of his life he sat and heroically gave not one solitary shit for 108 days under the bodega tree, 1000 years before the Buddha ate his first lentil. "Not giving a shit isn't just for the gods." he boomed to his disciples. "Mortal man can as well NOT give a shit. As above so below." Through the many following incarnations he gave less and less....and now he is reborn in our age and is wholly incapable of giving any shit whatsoever, no matter how small. A living god of shitnotgiveness. And his seldom words are as follows......
has pursued the fatal flaw of THE NOTHING, through countless reincarnations. He has studied its power and now offers a solution. In his first incarnation he struggled, tempted by the benefits of THE NOTHING. Later he found comfort in the void of indifference and In the autumn of his life he sat and heroically gave not one solitary shit for 108 days under the bodega tree, 1000 years before the Buddha ate his first lentil. "Not giving a shit isn't just for the gods." he boomed to his disciples. "Mortal man can as well NOT give a shit. As above so below." Through the many following incarnations he gave less and less....and now he is reborn in our age and is wholly incapable of giving any shit whatsoever, no matter how small. A living god of shitnotgiveness. And his seldom words are as follows......
"Children of THE COMPLEXITY. Ever expanding and infinite variety is the natural state of this universe. THE NOTHING will homogenize all existence into a limited spectrum of definable, commodifiable, monetizable units that it exchanges for HUMAN TIME to make you its SLAVE. Easily baited into its trap by the vapid allure of "quality," modernity, glamor, convenience, familiarity, security, sex appeal, comfort, safety.......bourgeois assholeism! STOP GIVING A SHIT!
Shit giving is the secret dark-energy of THE NOTHING. It separates us from each other and from the great whole that is THE COMPLEXITY. Free yourselves! Go my little stress sausages. Go to the cleansing waters of MAU MAU ISLAND and be freed of all your shits."
Shit giving is the secret dark-energy of THE NOTHING. It separates us from each other and from the great whole that is THE COMPLEXITY. Free yourselves! Go my little stress sausages. Go to the cleansing waters of MAU MAU ISLAND and be freed of all your shits."
can we reach 50 megashits not given ?
Assume a relaxed leisurely stance. Ok, let's open with 100 eye rolls. That's great. Now say nonchalantly under your breath, "I am not offended. This isn't about me, I don't really care that much." Say, "I would feel remorse for all those poor people who suffer with giving a shit...if I gave a shit." Now sigh unenthusiastically. Begin to form 3 strong opinions on topical events, then breathe, roll your eyes and suppress them, say, "I don't really care that much, sandwiches are pretty good." "Would you like to upgrade to the paid plan"? "No, no I fucking would not." "The food is really worth waiting in the line for" "No, no it isn't." Imagine a social gathering, a real shitgiver wants to talk at you about Trump, say......"America has a president? Wow, that's novel, what for? Well I'm sure I don't care much about that. May I pee in your sink?"
Be wary of militant leisurists like Chaise Guevara, they preach leisure but they give a shit. BE THE COMPLEXITY. And now.....THE THREE CHALLENGES.....
Be wary of militant leisurists like Chaise Guevara, they preach leisure but they give a shit. BE THE COMPLEXITY. And now.....THE THREE CHALLENGES.....
THE BATTLE FOR MAU MAU ISLAND is Proudly sponsored by: MYAHUASCA, MADAM BLAVATSKY'S New England CLAM CHOWDER, 1-800HONEYBADGER.COM, CHUD LIGHT "the essence of the underground", THE BILL AND MELINDA GATES FOUNDATION and WEAVE IT TO BEAVER merkin extensions "It's your pelt, make it shine".